The headline doesn’t lie. Having good relationships does make you live longer. Just ask the inhabitants of Okinawa, Japan, where the world’s longest-living women live. In the Netflix documentary ‘Live to 100’, they are asked what is the secret? Why do they live so many years? Is it that they eat something specific there? Is it the climate?
In Okinawa, no one is alone. They visit each other frequently and if someone is sick, they are brought soup and kept company. According to studies, the secrets of longevity include healthy eating, rest, physical exercise and, of course, healthy relationships.
As Sara Manzaneque, integral coach and grief, attachment and parts work therapist (@saramanzaneque on Instagram), explains, we cannot live without relationships and bonds. In fact, one of the worst human punishments is solitude. Some prisoners who were punished in this way, after several days of exile, begin to talk to themselves.
All species are linked, we can see chimpanzees deworming each other or cats licking each other.
What is interdependence?
Humans are related. We are hyper-related and interdependent beings. This should not be confused with emotional dependence, as interdependence is a state of mutual dependence, in which each member is equally important.
So, when we talk about being interdependent, we mean that we need each other for our survival and personal fulfillment.
In fact, this may be the secret that without fangs or claws we are so high up in the evolutionary chain. We go back to our ancestors and their cooperative work in providing food and caring for the cave. What happens is that sometimes we get confused with this interdependence and we believe that to love is to depend.
What is emotional dependency?
We could define emotional dependence as a state of extreme subordination to the other, regardless of the nature of the relationship and even when the relationship may not be very healthy, due to a great need to maintain the emotional and affective bond.
It would be a permanent and excessive emotional attachment to another person, this is associated with low self-esteem and childhood wounds.
In contrast, interdependence would be the healthy relationship between two adults. Two adults who choose each other and in which both are equal in rights and obligations.
However, emotional dependence would not be a healthy relationship between adults, since we would not be talking about a horizontal relationship and power is not evenly distributed.
Ideally, we would all have healthy relationships. Remember that you are not obliged to stay where you do not feel good.
If you have healthy relationships, take care of them and enjoy them, and if not, you can ask for help to establish healthy bonds. Love and friends forever? Forever as long as it’s healthy.